May 12, 2014
“Yet, God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NLT)
One of the most challenging jobs as a parent is to do nothing…to remove our hands from the child…from the situation…to keep our hands to ourselves…to keep our thoughts, our ideas, our solutions, our suggestions to ourselves…If our adult children were asked if that was ever the situation in our family, if their parents, Bill and I, were ever totally silent, I feel sure that they would very politely chuckle and admit that they still hear our voices and feel our presence in their minds…even if they try to get away! And that is what we parents do…we parent for the rest of our lives…intentionally or unintentionally…we parent! But…parts, of us remain the child…
“Yet, God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (NLT)
Our Loving God Almighty has modeled incredible attributes of fathering and mothering…He loves perfectly, He knows what is best, His Best; He is the vision and He provides for present moments of life…and He is the vision and He provides for the future…for eternity. His divine perspective teaches His children to trust that His hand makes everything, all things beautiful in the proper time…Yes, circumstances are often difficult and pain-filled…But, He has carved out a place in the heart of mankind where only the divine perspective and the divine presence can fill and satisfy the appetite and the yearning for relationship. Mankind cannot possibly understand and comprehend God’s total work from beginning to end…mankind cannot understand and justify God’s apparent silences…mankind cannot understand and justify God’s aggressive intervention…mankind cannot understand circumstances…mankind cannot completely understand the Mighty and Sovereign God…However, mankind can trust Him…Elohim…for, He makes all things beautiful in His perfect timing… He has created a compartment in the heart of mankind…and we trust Him…His perspective…His purpose…His plan, His eternity… He is trustworthy, worthy of our trust…
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5, 6
When our children were young, I remember one of our most difficult challenges was to determine when to let go of the hand…
I cherish the privilege of taking my grand-daughters on errands and to do fun activities. However, the urgent protective sense of mothering…of parenting, pounds on the heart of every grand-parent. I am quite sure that the grip I have on their little hands exceeds the definition of hand-holding. However, their parents trust me…my grand-daughters trust me…I don’t want to let go…
A Lesson Learned
One of my favorite memories of parental hand-holding occurred in the Waco mall a number of years ago. Bill was home for a week-end during his busy racing season and he needed new athletic shoes. So, for a fun Saturday, we loaded our two children in the car and drove to the busy mall, filled with week-end shoppers. Obviously, hand-holding was a necessity in the parking lot, as well as the crowded mall. Our daughter, Christie, being the strong-willed…self-determined four- year- old, always had alternate plans, always, concerning this issue. This day would prove to be no different…the battle was on, “Christie, oh precious, wonderful daughter you are… (or something like that) you must hold one of our hands, especially in this crowded mall…”
Bill did his shopping and we were leaving the store, walking back out onto the mall…Christie ran a little ahead, (surprise!), and Bill and I without even a glance at each other, or a word spoken…we knew it was time… just stood with Adam and watched the scenario unfold…Christie, never slowed down, did not look back, did not look up, or down, she just began walking with a woman just a little ahead of us…and our precious, courageous, independent daughter took her little arm and just hooked it through the handle on this woman’s purse…(we are thankful that this lady did not scream and start swinging thinking that a purse snatcher had made her the victim) She did stop, however, and looked down at Christie, just as Christie looked up into a stranger’s face…expecting to see the face of her own mother…me! A look of horror covered her little freckled face and big tears fell from her blue eyes…as she frantically began to cry and call for us. Obviously, we were a couple of steps behind and she spotted us as we stepped forward to rescue her. Wailing and tears continued for a few minutes….and we began the parenting lesson about “trusting and obeying”…
The whole situation was comical…yet, very profound for a four-year-old and her tendencies to “run” into her own way…And, as it turns out, it has been profound to me. It was hard to let her go…just those few steps ahead…knowing that the out-come would be unpleasant for her. She discovered that finding the wrong mommy was not funny, and was not pleasant…in fact, it invoked some fear at what can occur when we do not obey…when we trust in the wrong thing or the wrong person…and at that point…she was trusting in her own will and head-strong direction. Today, God has taken her tenacity and her persistence and her strong-will and used it for good…(making it a beautiful thing when she stays aligned with Him) But, it took that lesson and others to follow on age appropriate levels to guide her and to shape her and to teach her…
And Bill and I discovered that this parenting thing was for our children…but, it was also for us, the parents, in order that God would grow us and lead us and teach us…As we learned, and still are learning to trust Him…to trust His Ways…
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5, 6
Another Lesson learned…
Our son, Adam, is a gifted athlete. As a ten year old, he loved golf and base-ball. For several years, his base-ball team played together, under wonderful coaching. Adam was a multi-position player and made major contributions to the repeated success of the team. The year came that all of his team was moving up into the next league and he would be one of the few from the team left in the younger league…and there was the dilemma….Should he move up with the team and be the youngest player on the team? Through a series of events and encouragement from his coaches, Bill and I decided to take our hands off…let go of his hand…and let Adam make the decision. Adam really debated the issue…He loved base-ball and just wanted to play… “Put me in coach…I’ll play wherever you want me….” was his motto…and the coaches promised that they would play him if he moved up with them. So, Adam made the decision to go with his team.
Bill and I had concerns, but we kept our hands off and our mouths shut…and let him make the decision. The coaches were wonderful men, fathers, coaches, but the reality was that they made promises that were difficult to keep…and they had manipulated some of the tryouts, which involved Adam…, but they were new at this pre-teen league, and they acquired older and bigger boys on their team. We absolutely know that their intention was to keep all of their promises…but circumstances changed…and the young player, our son, kept asking, “Put me in coach…Please let me try…I’ll play wherever you want me…just give me a chance.”
During this time, a rural league came to know Adam and the dilemma in which he had found himself. They invited Adam onto their team, (after all his best friends were on this team)…recognizing the situation and how it had developed. And our son found himself making another big decision. He came to Bill and me and talked with us about the circumstances. Again, we listened…and we understood. But we told him that we would support his decision…but he had to communicate honestly with both coaches…we could not do it for him…we would not.
I did help Adam write down his thoughts as he practiced what to say to his coaches. I recall sitting and practicing…practicing… He adored them and their sons…and he respected them….but the truth was, broken promises…and a ten-year-old recognized this. He made the phone call on his own…and he respectfully, but firmly, told his coach that he understood that the coaches and the team wanted to win, but he also felt like they had promised that they would at least give him chances…because coach, “I just want a chance to play ball…” He explained how another league had invited him to join them and they needed a pitcher…a catcher…a first-base-man…”Coach, they are going to play me.” He thanked them for everything that they had done for him. And Adam hung up the phone with the biggest smile on his face. “Mom, let’s go to practice!”
As I looked into the face of our son, I saw a strength in him that I had never seen before…He recognized the value of truth…he recognized that circumstances do not change the truth…And he experienced the value and the freedom that the truth brings…He did a very hard thing that day…he confronted an adult whom he respected and cared for…and his banner was the truth…
And we removed our hands…our words…But, not our prayers…And our son, Adam stood…as he was on his way to becoming a man…
Today, I call our son a quiet warrior…for his wife, his beautiful daughters, for his family, for his God…
Incidentally, the coaches called several days later to apologize to Adam and to Bill and me for some faulty judgment…and to assure us that they totally understood and respected the decision of the ten year old boy…
One of the most challenging jobs as a parent is to do nothing…to remove our hands from the child…from the situation…to keep our hands to ourselves…to keep our thoughts, our ideas, our solutions, our suggestions to ourselves…but, we pray… And that is what we parents do…we parent for the rest of our lives…intentionally or unintentionally…we parent! And parts, of us, remain the child…
Lesson Three…Is for Me!
Because parts of me remain the child…this lesson is for me, it for Bill…it is for all parents…
To be totally honest and transparent, I have spent hours and hours praying…I totally believe that pray works…because God said so…and He hears…He answers…Always….He answers according to His Time, His Will, His Purpose, His Way… not mine!
I have spent years wrestling with my Loving God, my Shepherd, who desires and works to keep me…to keep me safe in His fold…in His flock. He has the same intent for you…your children…your family…for my children… my grandchildren… my husband…But I have wrestled…
In the past few months, God has transformed my prayer life…I have always prayed… “Your will be done…Amen…” And there is no doubt that I wanted to mean it…And when it concerned Bill and me and circumstances in our lives…I was much more patient and cooperative with “the wait “or “the silence”, or “the struggle”, or “the obstacle”…or “the challenge”…even the “fire” (Literally and figuratively…Bill was a race car driver and spent time on fire)…because it concerned us… and I could let go to let God…after all, He is Sovereign…
But as almost every parent I have ever talked with, would say, when the circumstances involve our precious ones, our children…and they are struggling with challenges…when it is hand-holding, or base-ball decisions…or homework issues…or college choices…college roommate issues…then spouse choices…And they have settled into life…and they have become the adults…and we all have parts of us that remain the child…And they have real, adult, future shaping decisions, and circumstances, of which we parents, have absolutely no control…IT IS SO HARD NOT TO BE TEMPTED TO WRESTLE WITH GOD… and the truth is, no matter what the age of our children…we struggle and ache as we watch their battles, their struggles, their lessons…because we are always their parents…
Over the last few years…and months, I am learning to settle into God’s territory for my children…by that, I am making a concerted commitment to trust God totally with even my adult children and His perfect timing…knowing and believing that He has lessons to teach them…He has work to do through their circumstances, and for me to wrestle, to stomp my feet, and to whine about moving circumstances or, hurrying them along prematurely, changing them for the comfort of my children…or for their desires…that is wrestling with our God Almighty…Rather, I have been moved to pray in “Agreement with the God of the Universe”. Do I know what that entails? NO! I do know what His Word says…I am learning about His character…but I have absolutely NO idea exactly what I am agreeing to or with…But I do know with WHOM I am agreeing…and that is the most freeing, exhilarating, and burden-lifting revelation as a parent!
I know that the God of the Universe will provide a house for our daughter and son-in-love…in His time…in His Way…because He makes all things beautiful in His perfect time…
I know that the God of the Universe will provide the necessary provision for our son and our daughter-in-love through their business endeavors…because he makes all things beautiful in His perfect time…
And when the God of the Universe has them wait…wait…wait…I, as the parent, can trust Him…because He is accomplishing His purposes…He is doing what He needs to be done in them…He is giving them the greatest gifts…And, I, as their mother, still a child, can, and will agree with the Great, Sovereign God of the Universe…and I will pray…and I will trust…
The Letters
As Bill and I are waiting for property to sell…we have been moving boxes and unpacking and reminiscing. I came across a beautiful carved desk box which I had displayed in our library on a shelf for a number of years. The contents of the box are still amazing and meaningful to me…
One of the most challenging jobs as a parent is to do nothing…to remove our hands from the child…from the situation…to keep our hands to ourselves…to keep our thoughts, our ideas, our solutions, our suggestions to ourselves…but, we pray… And that is what we parents do…we parent for the rest of our lives…intentionally or unintentionally…we parent! And part, of us all, remains the child…
…How did my grandmother find the strength to let go of her three sons during the World War II years…How did she learn to let go of their hands, of their hearts, so that they could go and do what they felt called to do…to go into battle against the evil enemy personifying itself in the lives of human flesh. How did she find the strength and the courage to take her seventeen year old son, my father, and sign papers for him to leave his last year of high school and enlist in the navy…into training…then to be deployed to the Aleutian Islands to go into battle on the destroyer, the USS Wren. How did she sleep at night knowing that her three sons could possibly give their lives, and perhaps never return… for the vision that is written on the hearts of Americans…?
In that wooden box, I found the letters that a seventeen year old boy, my father, wrote to his family at home while he was in training in San Diego…and the letters…his life-lines from those who loved him…who although, could hold his hand no longer, held him in their hearts and in their prayers…and who did not wrestle with God…but aligned themselves to agree with the God of the Universe, trusting Him completely with their greatest treasures…their sons…
How do parents today do the same thing? How do we leave them for the first time in the church nursery? How do we leave our precious ones for their first whole day of school? How do we allow them to cross the street alone for the first time? How do we allow them to take the car and drive alone for the first time, to go away to college, to go to California to live a dream… to choose their spouse and then to marry, to give birth to a new life, to face the struggles and the trials of this world, to perhaps deploy into hostile territories to defend the innocent?
I know…I know…that I want to learn to trust more…I want to stand and align my heart and my prayers with God Almighty…I want to agree with Him as I pray…I want all of us to learn to agree with Him as we pray…
“God Almighty, the Giver of Life…thank you that You make all things appropriate and beautiful in their season, in Your perfect time…Just as You love each one of us…we can trust that You love our precious children even more than we do or possibly can…You, King of Kings, love them perfectly…You have a perfect future for them…perfect, according to Your will and Your purpose for them as well as Your purpose for Your Kingdom work, for Your Kingdom glory. Father, I want with all my heart and my breath to align myself with Your intention…I want to agree with Your plan in my prayers…I want to wait patiently, knowing that the wait produces exactly what is good and what is purposeful. I will trust in You…I will abandon my selfish and ignorant schedule of demands…and I will relinquish my sense of entitlement…and I will TRUST You with the gifts that are most precious to me…my husband…my children…my grands…and my own life…In the Mighty Name of Jesus, Amen.”
Oh, dear friends…God’s grace is what will give us power, strength, and courage…to trust and to obey…through His Spirit. Parts of us remain the child…and we remain parents…always…and we can find rest and peace as we intentionally agree with our Loving God in our prayers…as we stop the wrestle…in our lives…in our faith…in our trust…as we let go of hands…and as we trust… We can hold fast to our Almighty God!
Yes, He makes all things beautiful in His time…and we know that,
“When we utterly helpless, with no way of escape, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners…” Romans 5:6
Halleluiah!
Trusting joyfully, in His perfect time,
