October 7, 2013
Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you. Isaiah 46:4
I have lived long enough to see the pendulum of life swing in so many ways, in so many arenas…
… I understand that the Keeper of the Child becomes the Child of the Keeper…
Who will help the Keeper?
I have found great entertainment through the years in grocery shopping and the watching of people as they shop. About a decade ago, I began to watch various generations of women in the grocery stores as they maneuvered through the maze of aisles, products, and people. Young women with children bobbing up and down in the grocery baskets hurried through the store as they tried to appease their tired and cranky little ones…while the next generation of women tarried over products and casual and (sometimes weepy) conversations, having perhaps, more time on their hands and some unbalanced hormones…Some of my favorite observations were the oldest generation of female shoppers as they dressed for the occasion of selecting the sustenance for the next day’s menu, recognizing the value of each day. On this particular day, the little shopper slowed down to inspect various food items. What was intriguing to me was the way that she was dressed. I actually parked my basket to one side of the aisle to watch this little lady who was dressed, in what I imagined, to be every one of her favorite pieces of clothing. She had on a long floral skirt, with a brightly colored blouse, and a lace jacket…with a little straw hat…Nothing matched. I think that there were some other layers thrown in the mix, and I think she loved her attire; it had to be intentional! As she reached up for something on the top shelf, she struggled and I found myself rushing to her side to reach for the intended item. Fortunately, I was a little taller and was able to grasp the item to turn and hand it to her. She smiled and thanked me… (Probably wondering how I just appeared…not understanding that I had been observing her) I actually admired her courage and the audacity of her fashion statement because my family would have not allowed me out of the house in that attire. I think that this little lady was celebrating the day…She had dressed for the occasion…she was deliberate in her selections…and she was patient in her endeavors…I learned something about perspectives that day… I gained courage and vowed to myself to stand up for my personal expression…knowing that as the pendulum of life swings…
The Keeper of the Child becomes the Child of the Keeper.
Many of my friends are in the stage of caring for and assisting aging parents and family members. The pendulum of life has swung so that they have become the Keeper of the Child…who once kept them. I hear countless stories about the challenges and the struggles and the heartache of watching diminishing life skills and abilities of aging parents, in addition to health, medical, and financial issues which can create serious and often complicated circumstances, much more complex than the choice of wardrobe. And the roles of life shift…the pendulum swings…
Following the death of my father in 1990, after a ten year battle with leukemia, Bill and I had the privilege and the responsibility of caring for my mother, who also suffered from a debilitating disease, Multiple Sclerosis. She had battled the condition for over thirty years by the time that my father had passed away. I found myself desperately searching for resources to help with her care and we were determined that she would stay in her own home, because that is what she wanted…
And the Keeper of the Child becomes the Child of the Keeper. Who would help the Keeper?
Years before my father passed away, we had found it necessary to make some very difficult adjustments to my mother’s life. She loved her car and loved the independence of driving, but her keys had to be taken away. Now as I look back, we probably should have let her keep the keys and just removed the car. She had also fallen and broken her hip one evening as she was overcome with a surge of energy and decided to vacuum the carpet in the house. Once the hip mended, needless to say, the vacuum had to be hidden, and when she would ask for it, no one could find it.
A friend recently shared with me that her ninety-three year old neighbor, who lived alone, had fallen while mowing her yard. After a brief stay at rehab, she was able to return to her home. She was delighted and found everything in order, including her lawn mower securely chained to the garage! I can just envision the moments, probably similar to my mother’s response when she could not find her car keys!
I can truly understand when my friends share with me their experiences with their own parents…and the challenges, the worry, the heartache of difficult decisions and the mourning that slips into life, as the pendulum swings…
I found myself feeling overwhelmed at times…crying out to God, “Who will help the Keeper?” The Great Almighty God heard my cries and saw my broken heart as I watched my mother’s physical condition deteriorate day by day. I asked Him to help me to find caregivers who would help…and there was not one time in the ten years that my mother lived after my dad passed away that she did not have all the help she needed…I called the wonderful ladies who helped us…God’s Angels.
One evening at a Wednesday night church service at Highland Baptist Church in Waco, I slipped into a pew to just enjoy the worship and the brief message that would follow. The worship was especially beautiful and moving…Just before the pastor began to speak, he asked for praise reports…My heart began to pound and I felt compelled to stand up and share the incredible faithfulness of God and how He had provided my family with the beautiful ladies who helped my mother. I quickly rehearsed the words in my mind as I stood up and someone brought me the microphone and I took a deep breath to begin what should have been simple and brief, and I thought, eloquent… Instead of the words that I had planned to speak, uncontrollable sobs and hysteria erupted from deep inside of me and instead of handing the mike back to the shocked person standing there…I tried to continue my little testimony but the situation just grew worse. Words refused to come, just these horrible sobs. I could feel the eyes of the people on me but I could do nothing to calm down the obvious emotion that spilled out of me! At the moment, I was horrified at my behavior, but now as I write this, I am laughing uncontrollably. No one knew what to do to help me…I sounded deranged…and perhaps I was! But I felt a hand on my shoulder; it gently pulled me into my seat and a sweet, wise elderly lady, Anna Beth, handed me a piece of paper with two scripture references written on it, as the microphone was quickly taken from my hand. Obvious relief spread across the chapel, and I felt much better, too.
I have the piece of paper securely attached to a page in my Bible…
“Blessed are those who have regard for the weak; the Lord delivers them in times of trouble. The Lord protects and preserves them—they are counted among the blessed in the land–He does not give them over to the desire of their foes. The Lord sustains them on their sickbed and restores them from their bed of illness.” Psalm 41:1-3
“The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit”? Proverbs 18:14
I learned that our Loving Father will help the Keeper of the Child…He is faithful…always…He will help the Child…He is faithful…always…until the Keeper and the Child are gray…until they safely return home…and He uses the Church to help, to encourage, to embrace those in need.
A valuable lesson!
My perspective changed as I became the Keeper and God taught me the second life-changing lesson. My grandmother lived alone for over forty years until she fell and broke her hip. Until that time, she had maintained a fairly independent life-style as we were able to grocery shop and run errands for her. But life changed drastically as her independence was suddenly gone with her injury. The obvious solution was to move her into my mother’s home so that “God’s Angels” could help my grandmother as well…and I thought that it would be fun for mother and daughter to be together, rather than to live alone. However, her behaviors did not indicate that the obvious solution was the desired solution. The sweet loving great-grandmother became fussy and ornery, often refusing to even speak. The truth was that this woman not only grieved the failure of her body, but she grieved the loss of her home, and the difficulties of a very hard life…having buried three of her five sons, and now having to watch her only daughter battle her own horrible disease. I learned that while this was our only solution for living arrangements, my grandmother’s often difficult behavior was not ingratitude, or disdain or lack of love, it was frustration, heart-break, and disappointment, and fear and grief…
And we continued to love her, to visit her, to take care of her…and our children had the privilege of serving her and loving her, through every one of her moods and behaviors which were not indicative of what was in her heart or her mind, but were indicative of a broken heart…
“The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit”? Proverbs 18:14
Behaviors do not adequately reflect or indicate the activity of the mind or the heart as evidenced in extreme conditions of illnesses. Countless people have shared experiences of their loved ones rallying from comatose or semi-comatose conditions to respond in almost miraculous ways, sometimes carrying on conversations or acknowledging family members when the medical team has given no hope. And certainly dementia and Alzheimer’s are some of the most tragic conditions. Friends have shared the heart break of looking into what they call the ‘empty eyes’ of their loved ones and how they wonder what happened to the vibrant person they love.
Jesus instructed us to “…love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Matthew 22:37.
Once again, behavior or the lack of it does not accurately reflect what is in the heart and the soul of the person. I love this verse because it clearly reflects the complexity, the depth and intricacy, and the miracle of the human life. “Heart” comes from the Greek word “kardia”, which came to be used figuratively for the hidden springs of the personal life…the real person. The word “soul” is from the Greek word “psuche”, denoting “the breath of life” and the seat of the will and purpose in this particular verse. “Mind” is taken from the Greek word, “dianoia” which is literally a thinking through reflecting, and knowing. (Vine’s Exp. Dict.) Yes, disease can and does take away behaviors in our loved ones, but it cannot destroy that “hidden place” in the Creator God’s masterpiece of humankind.
I truly believe that until God takes the “hidden place” and the “breath of life”, to Heaven, even without behaviors exhibited, parts of the heart, the soul, and mind are alive and aware of much more than behavior or science can indicate. ‘Empty eyes’ do not mean empty hearts, souls and minds…Jesus would not have instructed His children to do something impossible…We must remain encouraged and look past the ‘empty eyes’ and be assured of the life in the hearts, souls, and minds of God’s creation…as man and woman are made in God’s image…
Our Loving Father will help the Keeper of the Child…He is faithful…always…He will help the Child…He is faithful…always…until the Keeper and the Child are gray…until they safely return home…
“A cheerful, merry heart is good medicine…” Proverbs 17:22
I think that our children are already practicing on Bill and me as our roles tilt slightly! We are being watched more carefully now in our choices of wardrobe. We are already getting “the look” and the emphatic “NO” when we make wardrobe plunders! I now find myself wearing my favorites when I know that no one else in my family will see me. And we just laugh about it! Yes, laughter is incredibly fun and healing! Proverbs 17:22 reminds us that a cheerful, merry heart is like medicine! And science agrees with what God said so long ago in His Word. Dr. William Fry of Stanford University said that “laughter stimulates the production of alertness hormones” which cause the release of endorphins, which as we know provide a sense of well-being. Laughter is medicine! Find reasons to laugh with your loved ones!
“Who taped up my bell?” This has been a joke in our family for the last two weeks. My daughter gave me beautiful silver “mother bell” which I wore as a necklace for awhile but found that it rang more often when I put it on a bracelet. I loved it! For months I wore the bell and it tinkled everywhere I went. People told me they knew when I arrived at places because they would hear the ringing of my bell. However, the sound drove Christie crazy! I would just laugh! One Sunday morning at church, Christie and I were talking to friends and someone commented on the “ringing bell”. Our friend was honest enough to comment on the “annoying” pitch of my little silver bell. Christie and I laughed as I reluctantly turned over my bracelet. Christie found scotch tape and bound the little silver bell as everyone laughed. She handed the “silenced” bracelet back to me as I said, “I feel a story coming on…Who taped up my bell?” More laughter followed!
Our Loving Father will help the Keeper of the Child…He is faithful…always…He will help the Child…He is faithful…always…until the Keeper and the Child are gray…until they safely return home…
Yes, our Mighty God has a purpose for every breath that we take, for every moment that we live. He has numbered our days…He is sovereign…exercising supreme, permanent authority…Over every man, woman, child, parent, grandparent—in every stage of life, He is sovereign! He is faithful to care for those whom He has created…to see each one through…to carry them…to save them…And, there is a “hidden place” in each one of His children that is stronger than any illness, or disease that attacks…And our Loving Father gives us a good medicine for the heart, the mind, and the soul…Laughter! And we can do life together. I pray that we can celebrate every day just as the little lady in the grocery store did. Go ahead and wear your favorite pieces of clothing, all at once! And put on the sunflower hat and untape the bell! And laugh…and laugh some more…
The Keeper of the Child becomes the Child of the Keeper.
Who will help the Keeper?
Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you. Isaiah 46:4
Abundant encouragement and joy,
