March 10, 2014
“Let your roots grow down into Him and draw up nourishment from Him. See that you go on growing in the Lord and become strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught. Let your lives overflow with joy and thanksgiving for all He has done.” Colossians 2:7 (TLB)
When our son was in first grade, I received a math paper that he had brought home for review. And, although we had worked at home on the math problems and worked and worked, it appeared that he had rushed through this particular paper which was assigned during the school day. The grade did not reflect our hard work…in fact, the grade reflected an attempt to rush through the assignment. I was devastated, thinking that I had failed miserably as a mom…that I was failing as an involved parent…that our son’s whole academic career rested on the results of this one paper. Oh my, I was the one who had a great deal to learn. I found myself thinking that because of me, he would not graduate from high school, he would not go to college, he would not get married….and worse, and I would not be a grandmother! (Silly me!)
I brought the paper into school the next morning to speak with his first grade teacher, Mrs. Murphy, who was the best teacher! She not only specialized in children, but in the children’s over-reactive moms! As I approached her desk, she could immediately see my desperation…and walked around her desk to meet me in the middle of her classroom. I began to share with her my concern because I believed that Adam was not doing his best. I explained how diligently we had worked with Adam on his math problems and how devastated I was that he apparently had not done his best. “All I want is for him to do his best all of the time…” I whined to this master teacher…In her wisdom and experience, she smiled and said, “Deborah, do you do your best all of the time?”
I immediately took a deep breath to emphatically announce that “OF course I do my best…all of the time.” And that sweet, wonderful, wise teacher just smiled back at me…Oh my, I was the one who had a great deal to learn…
“… See that you go on growing in the Lord and become strong and vigorous in the truth you were taught…” Colossians 2:7
This incident became one of the catalysts for the change that needed to occur in our family…in me. The truth was that I had spent most of the years of my life striving… (Exerting oneself, vigorously trying hard, making great efforts to achieve, or to obtain something) I was the wife to my wonderful husband, the mother of a beautiful son and daughter, the only child of a mother who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis at the age of twenty-nine, and of a father who was diagnosed with acute leukemia one year after Bill and I married. We became the primary care-givers to my parents, with the help of ladies whom I call Sylvia’s Angels.
I was striving…trying to be perfect…I found myself falling into what I call the… “Cycle of the 3 C’s! Competing…Comparing…Compromising…” When we allow the whirling world around us to divert our attention onto competing and comparing, we end up compromising and adjusting our focus and our vision…I had to ask myself the question…Do I always do my best? My answer to myself was, “Yes…I was doing MY BEST! But the next question was what was I attempting to obtain? What was I attempting to achieve? Who was I trying to please?
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10
The truth was that I was striving to please people and that striving causes exertion! Striving to please people causes futility…and it causes compromise…and it causes frustration…and it causes exhaustion. And I was absolutely doing MY BEST!
I was not caught in the web of material possessions, but I was held by the insatiable striving of competition and comparing and performance. My first expectation was on myself…making sure that I did MY BEST at everything I attempted…and that I was the BEST…at everything…obviously failing in most arenas…as I tried to please everyone! This can take on many different characteristics…but for me, I found myself striving to be the thinnest, the perkiest, the most put together or composed, the perfect daughter, the perfect wife…the perfect mom…the perfect volunteer, the perfect friend to everyone…
Then, striving with my children for their performance in school…in sports…in dance…in music….failing to see the beautiful gifts that God had given to each one of them individually, as He wired them each in a unique way, knitting each one with His design and His purpose for their lives….I demanded that their school work was their best…often failing to recognize that their best for the day did not meet my expectations, and stomping my feet at the reply of the wise first grade teacher who understood me more than I understood myself. I was imposing my expectations of myself on my children; and they were children! I was allowing the life of our family to be defined by the expectations of the various arenas of our world, instead of allowing God to do His work in our family.
And for my husband, I placed parameters of expectation on this wonderful man. I found myself striving, exerting myself to impose my personal expectations on him….competing, and comparing with all those around me…focusing on the expectations of other people…comparing and competing…trying to people please…and then compromising and losing sight of the beautiful life that waited and was within the reach of our family…the very purpose that God had for our specific and unique family.
No one could fix my dilemma. My husband watched and loved me through the drama that I lived out as I lived the only way that I knew how to live…people pleasing. He was incredibly busy pursuing his career and depending on me and trusting me to maintain the home environment that we had agreed on in our early days of marriage. We had committed our lives to our Loving Heavenly Father, we had committed our marriage to Him, and we had committed our little family to Him, dedicating our children to the Lord, with our promise of rearing them in a Christ-proclaiming home.
Our intention and our goal…my intention and my goal were clearly defined, but I absolutely had no idea how to implement this…I did not know how to do anything but MY BEST. I was exhausted…I was frustrated…and I was defeated.
I know that many young mothers find themselves caught in a similar set of circumstances. The world has its way of sneaking its expectations into our lives, even when we have clearly defined goals…even when we have a clearly written vision statement for our homes, and for our families…The 3 C’s find their way into our thinking, creating distraction and confusion as the chatter of the world becomes deafening at times, even when we desire to listen to the voice of our Father…
It is true. No one can fix this dilemma which we can find ourselves in at any stage of life. When we try on our own, we once again find ourselves futilely striving…vigorously trying hard, exerting ourselves…exhausting ourselves.
Over the course of time, and as I asked myself Who am living to please, God or man, we as a family readjusted, refocused, reprioritized, realigned, rearranged, and redefined our vision for our family. I was able to replace the quest for “My Best” with the search for “GOD’S BEST” for our family. And we discovered that time became our friend; we discovered a treasure of instruction, of guidance, of information, of resource, and of empowerment for strength and vigor through God’s Truth, through His Spirit.
I truly believe that each person encounters moments of opportunity to readjust, refocus, reprioritize, realign, rearrange, and redefine aspects of the lives which we have been given as a gift from our Loving God. Honestly, I found that a commitment to the Lord each morning, to pursue His will and His goodness through the day, in my life and the life of my family was a starting point. It also became an anchor…recognizing and embracing the connection which we have to the Lord through relationship with Him.
As a family, we experienced the blessing of God’s empowerment as He led us to navigate the gift of life and of relationships. It required us taking radical steps of faith; but He led us step by step. God requires that all people do the same which is a commitment of “ALL IN, NO TURNING BACK” It might include schedules which look different to the world, changes in relationships beyond your immediate family, personal parameters, personal behavior…
The change for each person, for each family is tempered by asking the question, “Who am I living to please, God or man?” And, the GREAT GOD ALMIGHTY promises to empower His people through His Holy Spirit who will guide you in all truth. John 16:13. He establishes the parameters, He establishes the expectations, He establishes the journey, and He establishes HIS BEST over you and your unique family…no comparing…no competing…no compromising.
As we celebrate this season of Lent and of the upcoming Passover, may we celebrate the promise of life that we have with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ…Our Loving God made provision for the Israelites with the blood of the Passover lamb…and He made perfect provision for each one of us for eternity through the sacrifice and the shedding of the blood of the Lamb of God, Jesus Messiah.
We may claim HIS BEST for our lives…we may embrace HIS BEST…we may live HIS BEST…and we may love HIS BEST and experience the freedom, the peace, the confidence, the strength and the vigor of HIS BEST…as He leads us by His truth. May we ask ourselves this question each day…Who will I live to please this day?
May we strive no longer to please this world…May we put aside the quest…
May we give ourselves to please our Lord…and find His peace and rest.
And because a wonderful first grade teacher asked me a pointed question, and because God had a much better way for me to live than my best, and because God had given to me gifts of my beautiful children who were incredibly talented and unique, and because God had given to me a husband who was tenacious, and talented, and strong, and loving, and because God had given promises to me and because He keeps His promises, I gave up my best and allowed God to pour HIS BEST over my futile attempts. I gave up the expectations that I demanded of myself and of my family…and I received and accepted and cherish my Loving Father’s BEST.
And silly me, all my worries that my children would not grow up and graduate from high school, would not go to college and would not get married…and then I would not be a grandmother…all because of a math paper…Today, we celebrate two wonderful adult children and their spouses, our children-in-love, and four beautiful grand-daughters and a grand-son on the way! Our Lord God is faithful to keep His promises….even when life has been hard…even when disappointments come….when there is mourning and when there is joy…The BEST question that we asked of ourselves as a family…and that I asked of myself was, “Who will I live to please this day?”
He is faithful and HIS BEST is worthy of our trust.
As I look back in my life and as I look forward for you, I have discovered an absolutely beautiful attribute of our Loving Heavenly Father. He does not ask, He does not require, He does not insinuate, He does not suggest, He does not expect a performance from us. And He does not compare us to each other…He does not require that we compete for His attention…for His admiration…for His Love. The Absolute Truth is that He adores you and your family. He adores my family and me…not because of who we are, but because of who He is. He looks upon you and sings over you just as you sing over your precious children…He looks at you with His Heavenly Father eyes…and He holds you in the shadow of His wing to love you, to protect you and to secure you…through His own precious Son whom He gave…and who went willingly to the cross so that our relationship with our Father is secure, is intimate, is eternal…He gave HIS BEST because our best leaves us striving, (Exerting oneself, vigorously trying hard, making great efforts to achieve, or to obtain something) …futility…
Never have I regretted what I set down that day…
My determination to have my own way.
He took HIS LOVE and HIS BEST and laid it over mine,
And His Spirit empowered me through His strength sublime,
To live to please my God, my King…
My Master and My Hope, in everything.
“Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ.” Colossians 3:23, 24 (TLB)
Abundant joy,
